


The Cat

by evil_cat_pseud (Deifire)



Category: Eerie Indiana
Genre: Absolutely Not Written by Cats, Crack, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-12
Updated: 2017-08-12
Packaged: 2018-12-14 11:08:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 536
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11781906
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Deifire/pseuds/evil_cat_pseud
Summary: "Battling the forces of weirdness is overrated," said Marshall. "From now on, my life's mission will be devoted to paying attention to this cat and feeding her tuna all time."





	The Cat

**Author's Note:**

> _"if i log in one day and all your fic is rewritten to focus on cat OCs, ill know [your cat got] your password..."_
> 
> But that would never happen. Because that would be silly.
> 
> Comment fic from [this conversation](http://eerie-indiana.livejournal.com/592867.html?thread=1923555#t1923555) in the Eerie, Indiana community.

"Battling the forces of weirdness is overrated," said Marshall. "From now on, my life's mission will be devoted to paying attention to this cat and feeding her tuna all time."

"I was born to do nothing but pay attention to this cat," said Simon.

When she'd had enough tuna and attention, the cat went sleep for several hours. When she woke up, the boys were gone, so she pawed the front door open--it had not been dead-bolted, and therefore such a thing was easy for a clever half-Siamese--and slipped outside.

The first thing she encountered was a snarly sort of silly-looking poodle. She beat it up. She tried to do the same to the husky she encountered a bit later, but it ran away. Stupid dogs. They talked tough with all their shouting about revolution, but hiss at them and show them a little bit of claw, and they fled in terror.

She walked downtown and into a store that smelled of too many humans, but also of food.

"You're a kitty!" said the man behind the counter, because that was the sort of thing humans said. "In fact, you're the greatest and best-looking kitty I've ever seen! How about some free food on the house?"

The man, whose name was Mr. Radford, gave her a small dish of ice cream with whipped cream on top and some tuna. She ate as much as she could, and then a little more than that, and then barfed on a selection of expensive rugs the World O' Stuff had just gotten in that morning.

Then she went to sleep on a selection of black sweaters in the clothing aisle.

When the cat woke up, she found that Mr. Radford had called the mayor, who also declared her to be the greatest kitty ever and then decided that today should be an official town holiday in her honor.

It became an annual tradition, during which every year the good citizens of Eerie sacrificed one of their own to ensure her continued health and well-being.

She stayed with Marshall and Simon because they were clever and because they knew how to work a can opener. And also because every once in a while, they would realize there was something wrong.

"Simon," Marshall said one day when she woke up, "didn't we used to do things besides taking care of this cat?"

"I...I don't know, Mars," Simon replied. "I feel like I remember there used to be something else...something important..."

She jumped onto Marshall's chest and began to knead his Giants sweatshirt while looking into his eyes and purring.

"Or maybe not," Marshall said. "I can't imagine anything could ever be more important than this cat."

"Yeah," said Simon, also starting to fall back under the spell of her purr and her very cute wide, blue eyes. "I guess you're right."

But she could tell by their scent and the look in their eyes that deep down, part of them knew. Part of them would always be fighting her influence. And would never quite be strong enough.

She curled up on Marshall's chest and went to sleep, content in the warmth and the smell of human misery.


End file.
